Dear Wandering Heart

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:4-5

Have you ever felt like you are walking blindly into the unknown?

No matter how wide you open your eyes, you can’t see what’s to come.

Sometimes, that is what life feels like; a lot of unknown.

The unknown scares me.

I am a huge planner.

I love calendars, list making, and being in the know of what is going on.

I hate being out of the loop. HATE IT.

I do not like the feeling of being left in the dark.

I do not like when I can’t see everything laid out clearly.

I do not like the possibility of missing out on what God has for me.

I do not like the possibility of being a failure.

I fear the unknown because that can make room for imperfection and failure. The unknown makes room for too many possibilities. The unknown has too many outcomes. The worst part about the unknown though, is that you don’t know how to plan for it.

Anyone else relate?

I start to really stress out and fear when things do not go as I planned.

And recently, there have been situations in my life that turned out nothing like I thought they would. And to be honest, it was devastating for me. I started questioning if God sees me or hears me. I started to question if I even hear God. I took steps in areas that I truly believe God had led me to and instead of living happily ever after, my life became chaos. I encountered disappointment, heartache, and not one single thing went as planned.

Did I miss it?

Did I miss God?

Did He lead me out here just to let me fail?

Does He even care what this has done to me?

Is God even with me right now?

And maybe you’ve had some of the same feelings and thoughts during this season. Maybe you’ve encountered disappointment. Maybe things aren’t lining up in your life like you planned that they would. Maybe you’re overwhelmed because all these plans and dreams that you carry have yet to come to pass. Maybe some plans that you have were ruined. Maybe you are trying to hear God and figure out what His plans for you are and you just keep hitting a wall.

You are not alone, friend.

I’ve been there. And honestly, as a perfectionist and a planner, these are some of my recurring struggles and thoughts. But we were not meant to stay here.

We were not meant to stay in the fear of failure and abide in the darkness of disappointment.

We were not created to stress and be full of anxiety and worry. These are some of the tactics the enemy will use to keep us crippled and stagnant. These are the things that keep us from fulfilling the purposes of God and the plans He has for us.

You need to take a minute and remember that you are not stranded.

You are not forgotten.

You are not abandoned by God.

You haven’t ruined His plans for your life.

Even if you have missed moments, His grace covers you. You have a purpose. God has good plans for your life. You can hope again. You can trust again. You can dream again. You can get back up again. You can make it through this. I know it can be hard when fear overwhelms you and thoughts start flooding your mind. When I get overwhelmed, I stop and remind myself that even when I am walking into the unknown, I have a God who sees me.

I want to take a minute and share a story I found in the Old Testament. We have all heard the story of Sarah and Abraham and the promises God fulfilled in their lives. In the midst of that promise, there was a lot of chaos. I used to feel sorry for Abraham and Sarah because it seemed like they trusted God and their dreams were so distant and how sorrowful it must’ve been to wait for them to come to pass. Somehow, I always overlooked the story of Hagar.

Hagar was Sarah’s Egyptian slave. Sarah was barren and had Hagar lay with Abraham so she could build a family through her. Hagar had no option but to lay with Abraham, a man who didn’t truly love her, and she became pregnant. Sarah was so upset that Hagar was pregnant that she mistreated her to the point where Hagar has no choice but to flee.

Imagine being Hagar. She was a slave, forced to lay with someone, and then ended up pregnant with a child that no one truly wanted. All of this was also done by the two people in the Bible we often look to as faithful heirs to the promises of God. They were her examples of God and showed her nothing but rejection.

Hagar probably felt some of the following feelings: alone, rejected, “How did my life end up here,”

“Does God see me?”

“Does God care about what I’m going through?”

“Did I miss God?”

“Is God with me?”

“Why would God let me go through this?”

or even “I have done nothing wrong, I’ve done what is honorable and right in God’s eyes and I am still going through heartache. Why?”

Any of these questions and thoughts sound familiar?!?

In this story found in Genesis we often focus on the victory of Abraham and Sarah and how God was faithful to them.

But God also stopped for the one who didn’t seem triumphant or victorious.

In the midst of Hagar fleeing and running from her chaos, an angel of the Lord appears to her and tells her “the Lord has seen your misery” (Genesis 16:11, NIV). Relieved she responds, “You are the God who sees me” (Genesis 16:13, NIV).

Sometimes we get so caught up in the victory of those around us that we forget that God is fighting for us too. God has good things in store for us too.

Here are 3 things I want you to remember right now in the midst of the unknown:

1. God sees YOU, too.

Someone else’s victory is not your defeat and devastation. And your misery is not your final destination. One moment of misery and defeat does not dismantle the lifetime of goodness and mercy God has for you. One bump in the road does not have to dictate your entire journey! There is still more of your story to be written. Even when it seems like all hope is gone, there is still time for a turnaround!

2. Stop planning out your own story.

Stop rewriting rough drafts of the chapters that God has written but you haven’t even got to yet. It’s okay to put the pencil down and face the unknown. You don’t have to stress about it because even if you don’t see it and you don’t know what is to come, God sees you and He knows. He is trustworthy, friend. He is good and kind and faithful. His heart and intentions toward you are beautiful and pure. Trust is a choice. Choose to trust in His plans – not your own. (Ps. His ways are higher and better than yours anyways, I promise).

3. Don’t fear the unknown.

Trust in God’s love for you. You didn’t miss God. And hey, even if you did, there’s grace so repent, let it go, and MOVE ON. God sees you. He is with you. He is for you. So your plans didn’t turn out… His ways are higher and better than yours. He is leading you. Just keep following Him. He is a loving Father who writes beautiful stories. He will turn the page when it’s time… hang in there… you’re about to get to the good part. 

 Prayer & Reflection

I want to leave you with some prayers and declarations for you to pray over your purpose. I pray that your heart is filled with hope and encouragement as you are reminded of the goodness and grace of God. Place your hand over your heart as you pray these over yourself:

“Father, I want to live a life devoted to you and reflective of who you are. I lay down all of my desires that are not of you. And I choose to pursue your will and your wants for my life.”

“Father, open my eyes to see the steps that you want me to take today. I know that you will lead me and guide me. Help me to walk in obedience to your will.”

“Father, open my ears to hear your voice. Your word says that your sheep hear your voice and follow you and I am one of your sheep. I receive the ability to hear you and listen to your voice.”

“Father, I do not know the plans that you have for me, but I know that in Jeremiah 29:11 you say that you know the plans you have for me, plans to give me a hope and future. I trust in you and that you have good plans for me.”

“Father, I pray that you help me to fulfill what it is you want me to fulfill for today. Order my steps.”

1. What is it that God is leading you through in this season?
2. Where is God leading you to?
3. What fear, lie, insecurity, etc. is keeping you from fully following where the Lord is leading you?
4. What truth is God speaking over those obstacles?
5. What is your game plan to fully embrace the unknown?